Now of course we assume I get stronger nerve feelings when I get nervous around large groups of people. Anyway, I was shaky & my stomach hurt of being nervous but I tried my best to put on my "fake it" act. It helped having my small group there, & seeing some of them prior to the start of church helped calm me down a smidge. As soon as I walked toward where I was suppose to meet Mischel & the person in charge of the baptism I was like the countdown begins. The service began & before I knew it was time to go backstage to get ready. Right before my Baptism we had a quick prayer time & then I gave a quick hug to Mischel. I held my emotions together mostly well but I knew it was going to be tough it being our last day & my friend had been such a great leader in my life.
The Moment I walked out after getting changed into the baptism robe I was so nervous but thank God our church has dark lights otherwise I think I would have lost it seeing all the people. As I stood waiting to the side I saw the kids classes in there & just knew I would cry if I looked too long so I waved at one of the little girls I have watched grow up & whispered to Mischel I'm not going to look at them. I later learned that every single class from 2s up to youth were in there & I felt so honored that the teachers took time out of their classes to make sure they watched.
As the last song played & we stepped into the Baptismal I felt so ready & that I was doing what I was suppose to be doing even though I was nervous. God helped me to Stand Strong! The week leading up to my Baptism I was unsure if I wanted to speak or not but as I got to the part where Mischel allowed for if I wanted to say something I declined as I knew if I said something I would not be able to finish. I had decided not to look at the kids but rather look at my small group ladies. Well, I already said it was dark & so dark I could not see hardly anyone except my family in the front row so I just focused on what Mischel was saying. My cheeks were a little red cause I am very modest when talking about myself in what I do as it's truly not about me but about God. Anyway, it finally came to the point where I was suppose to repeat after her what I believe in my heart. I started saying it then got to a certain part where I felt my voice slowly cracking & got teary then got dunked under which helped dry somewhat of the tears. My stomach felt better & I knew I was going to lose it soon. I grasped Mischel into a bittersweet hug with more tears & heard cheers coming. I also heard "we Love you Leah" & by then I knew I could not look at anyone in the worship center.
Quickly I looked down as I stepped out of the baptismal & rushed backstage. Mischel, came back then I just burst open of tears while hugging her again telling her I would miss her & I love her. As soon as I stopped crying I went into the dressing area to change out of my wet clothes. Sweet Mischel still made sure I was okay before she left. While I was changing I heard my "big sis" Becki talking outside talking about how Caroline (her daughter, whom I have babysit & watched grow from a baby) had gotten upset while watching my Baptism as Mischel talked about me leaving & that Becki told her they could come backstage to give me a hug. Caroline had told her mom that morning she did not want me to leave :(. I was afraid to cry anymore cause I did not want to make her upset so I made sure to Breath & stop crying before I went out to give her a hug.
I have always not liked crying in front of others even my friends or at church maybe cause I felt embarrassed by it & always saved my tears for God in my room on my bed. I still don't like crying in front of little kids but I have learned it's okay to show what I'm feeling cause I need to not be a stuffer as my friends need to know how I feel. I need to be open & honest about myself. I gave Caroline & Becki hugs & we talked that it would be okay cause they will come visit soon as they have family & friends over on this side of the USA. I went to the restroom & on my walk back into the worship center I thought I can not go back in there without looking at people or bursting into tears at the thinking of it being our last day at church home. Then I bravely walked back quietly not glancing really at anyone as it was in the middle of the sermon & I did not want to distract anyone from the message. The rest of the time I spent sitting there but could not really focus on the message after what all went on prior that my mind could not process everything that was being said.
After church I turned around to give Mischel another hug then all of a sudden my small group came up for a group hug with bunches of congrats that followed. A Precious & most priceless memory, made that my Mom took a few great snapshots of.
Overall a sweet, wonderful day I will always treasure! Having my friend Mischel Baptize me was the best honor I will cherish always. She has not been my small group leader for very long but ever since I have known her she has been like a role model to me in the way she serves & lives out her faith.I could not have chosen a better person & so glad God worked out the details so she could baptize me!
I want you to all know I still have fond memories of my 1st Baptism & I'm not saying that one was not special in it's own way, it's just different feeling this time around. I truly felt I was missing something for the longest time & though I had been saved at 9-10 years old & was not Baptized (cause of my fear of going underwater mainly) til I was 15 years old I'm not sure I fully grasped what it means but today I know I do. Today marks 1 month since my 2nd Baptism & I love to look back at how awesome God has grown in my life since VBS & my baptism. I remember the moments I sent texts back & forth, the conversation I had with Mischel, the moment we told Tammy, the children's ministry director, & as I told each of my friends at church my news before publicly posting it on Facebook. For you see it's not just the big day I will remember but the moments leading up to what I did I will remember in my heart & memory always.
Is it always easy especially when you move far away from your close friends? Of course not but God has given me strength these past several weeks & he will be with me in the weeks to come. I will take it day by day, moment by moment.
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